from the minaret

I just read an essay about the life of Fyodor Dostoevsky. There was a story about an experience he had that made me think a few things. The first is where did they find the first hand account of this story and second, is just how it made me feel. 

The story is that Fyodor became something of a socialist for reason's relating to serf liberation. He became involved with a particularly volatile socialist group, the members of which were arrested and sent to a maximum security prison. Some time later, after experiencing something like extended solitary confinement, he and his fellows were taken to a courtyard, tied to stakes, blindfolded. The executioners were told to take aim. Then at the last minute a messenger came and read a pardon for the prisoners. The execution was staged, however the proximity of death was very real for those involved. Two of the prisoners supposedly went completely insane from the psychological stress of the situation. Dostoevsky channeled that stress and used it to construct his belief that the two most important things to develop in life are unconditional love and forgiveness. You ought to read about it. Fyodordostoevsky.com is a great source. 

I have to agree with him. I also have to relate to the fact that people don't give thins like that much weight. He talks about this in a book the idiot. I haven't read it but that's word on the street about it. He's an idiot because he goes about talking to people about love and forgiveness which really are the only important things and is seen as an idiot in the world. They did the same thing with Christ. Interesting how the only things that matter are the things that people want less than anything. 

I had a discussion about something similar on a sailboat in the middle of the night on bear lake almost a week ago. I don't know how we got on the subject but it was something like what was important. I may have commandeered the conversation a bit because I'd wanted to talk to someone about the effects of commodification of everything. So I hijacked the conversation and instead of doing a good job discussing anything I just ended up badgering people. That's only partially true. I didn't have a good enough direction when I started so I was caught between looking like an idiot or just internalizing the fact that I was one.  I chose the later. Eventually once we all got on the same page (with no help from me I might add) it was ultimately decided that there is something wrong with the paradigm of the world, the very truths we attach to life. Personally, I think the problem lies in the media, in the education we receive, in the people we talk to and the very conversations we have. People like things to be convenient. I like them to be convenient. That's why our food is poisoned, our air is filthy and the only arguments we have are about sports and pop-music and which famous person's exterior life we feel we have the right to comment on. 

So I feel frustrated. The only way to fix anything is for people to start looking at the destructive long term effects of convenience, to see what they are missing out on by wanting things more than ideas and insight. It's really terrifying too because its sort of a life or death situation and all anyone wants is walmart and expensive purses. That's bullshit.